Thoughts on motherhood: When choosing to be present is enough
| Written by Ronnie |
Lately, I have felt that nagging voice in the back of my head—I'm not being "a good enough" mother. Every night I share this thought with Rick, who always, always reassures me that I am a wonderful mum.
But still, the voice is relentless: You're not patient enough. You're not gentle enough. You're not reading enough to them. You're not doing enough crafts with them. You're not volunteering at school. You don't organise enough playdates. You're not doing enough drop-offs and pick-ups. You don't talk to the boys enough. You don't listen to them enough. You don't play with them enough. You don't take enough photos of them. You don't journal about them enough. You're not teaching them enough. You're not spending enough time with them.
And so the voice continues. Humming away softly in the recesses of my mind. Sometimes I manage to drown it out by being busy. But always, it returns.
And perhaps the voice is right. Those are all things that I could certainly be doing more of or be better at. I am a flawed human being, and there is no doubt always room for improvement.
But I cannot change all of those things overnight. In fact, I may never be able to change all of those things about me.
But there is one thing that I can do: I can choose to be present when I am with my boys.
I can choose to put away my phone, my laptop, my tasks, my deadlines, my never-ending list of projects, and even my never-ending list of "things I expect myself to be good at".
Instead, I can choose to just "be". To be fully there. To be fully present. To be fully in the moment.
Because none of the other stuff matters if I can't do this one thing.
Today, I choose to be present. And that is enough.
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